Paper Girl

I just want to exist in the world. I want to be true to myself. But I can’t do both and survive. I never learned to be a cog. To shut of my personality and my beliefs so I could fit in. I’m not a good liar. The mask I’ve worn has always mostly looked…

Sundaes

I’ve had my fair share of sundaes. Often, in a greedy, childish way, just because I could. I’ve left the odd lover with ice cream dripping down their fist, cone in irredeemable shards. For a long time I just wanted to be wanted and would jump at any opportunity to reward someone for taking interest…

Crisis Residential

These are water colors I did when I was in a crisis residential unit. If I can get myself to do art when I feel bad it really helps to get some of the feelings out. Crisis units are good because they don’t treat you like criminals, understandably, because it’s a lower level of care…

Hanging By A Thread

I don’t feel well today. I feel scared. I worked really hard to get to this place, but I’m all too aware that it’s just a few steps back to the shadows for me. I know part of my problem is that when I feel bad I don’t believe I will ever feel good again….

Rise and Shine

You ever feel like nothing you do will ever be good enough? Like the relentless march of days is speeding by at break-neck speed and all you can do is crawl? Like maybe the whole world is huffing amphetamines in the bathroom while you struggle to get out of bed? I used to feel this…

The Heaven Within

Lately I’ve been trying to “get in touch with” my spirituality. I call, I email, I send emoji packed text messages. Naw, but really. I grew up with an atheist father and though my mother took us to Quaker meeting for a while when we were kids she wasn’t really religious either. In my family…

The Cabin

Today I’m going with my twin to visit our dad in upstate NY and memories of the old family cabin are splashing through my head like cold pump water. An invigorating sense of nostalgia cleansing me of today’s hardships. The cabin is no longer with us, it had to be sold. I used to go…

I Am Enough

It’s hard to think you’re enough in a world that’s constantly judging you, comparing you to your peers, and pushing unrealistic standards everywhere you look. I am only beginning to believe it myself. I spent such a long time thinking I needed to do something, accomplish something, before I would be good enough. Everyday that…