The Scarlet Letter

“My enemy said to me, ‘Love your enemy.’ And I obeyed him and loved myself” – Kahlil Gibran It’s so painful and frightening when you don’t trust yourself. When you are your own greatest enemy. You know best how to hurt and torment yourself. You can play on your fears and weaknesses like no one…

Poems to Myself

I’ve decided to call my recent collection of poems (which I will continue to compose) “Poems to Myself”. I have been very careful of late when it comes to dealing out unwarranted advice. I know it was at best unhelpful to me when I was depressed to get advice. At worst, it was perceived as…

How to Escape From The Void

Stop trying to escape Stay there There is so much agony in the revelation That you are the void And so much power Preen your glorious midnight feathers Take a dip within your own murky depths It goes on forever So easy to get lost in the darkness So put in a lamp or two…

A Prize For Not Killing Yourself

You don’t get a prize for not killing yourself You have to make the prize yourself From the slanted gold light that cuts between the drab houses and hits you right in the eye as you’re driving down your street, on your way home from a few odd errands, bags of cheese and ice cream…

Paper Girl

I just want to exist in the world. I want to be true to myself. But I can’t do both and survive. I never learned to be a cog. To shut of my personality and my beliefs so I could fit in. I’m not a good liar. The mask I’ve worn has always mostly looked…

Sundaes

I’ve had my fair share of sundaes. Often, in a greedy, childish way, just because I could. I’ve left the odd lover with ice cream dripping down their fist, cone in irredeemable shards. For a long time I just wanted to be wanted and would jump at any opportunity to reward someone for taking interest…

Crisis Residential

These are water colors I did when I was in a crisis residential unit. If I can get myself to do art when I feel bad it really helps to get some of the feelings out. Crisis units are good because they don’t treat you like criminals, understandably, because it’s a lower level of care…

Hanging By A Thread

I don’t feel well today. I feel scared. I worked really hard to get to this place, but I’m all too aware that it’s just a few steps back to the shadows for me. I know part of my problem is that when I feel bad I don’t believe I will ever feel good again….