Lately I’ve been trying to “get in touch with” my spirituality. I call, I email, I send emoji packed text messages. Naw, but really. I grew up with an atheist father and though my mother took us to Quaker meeting for a while when we were kids she wasn’t really religious either. In my family “religion” has always been a bad word invoking images of self-righteous crusaders, bigoted zealots, and deep rooted corruption. I tend to shy away from organized religion, especially those with judgemental dogmas and humanoid deities. I have dabbled in some Eastern religion, namely Buddhism and Taoism. I read The Holy Man by Susan Trott which is a kind of gentle introduction to Buddhism, I think, and was impressed by the call to treat everyone as a holy person. I also like the Taoist concept of the ineffable interconnectedness or pervasive force within the universe. But, I never committed to any one belief system or found a community of spiritual people to share worship with.
It’s hard to find someone to share your beliefs with when they’re so amorphous and scattered. I’ve looked into Neo-Paganism and the like as my spirituality takes root in nature, but that tends to bring me to shops full of colored candles, various rocks, and bundles of herbs. Which are all lovely things, but they don’t seem to fit into my spiritual heart and I’m worried where the purchase of rocks could lead my bank account.
When I think of God/Spirit/Light/Tao it comes back to science, which in reality is just a set of test based descriptions of what was already there. The laws of science were true before we discovered them. What I mean is that science describes a universe of interconnectedness and holiness that leaves me in awe. I see wonder in the formation of elements and particles, the development of solar systems, the emergence of life. I revere the Earth and her bountiful landscapes. With my recovery I am realizing that if we are to find God anywhere it is within ourselves. I have always been ready to see everyone as holy except myself, but until I saw God in myself I was always separate from the loving cosmos. Just as every cell in our body holds a blueprint of our selves, each of us holds a blueprint of the universe within us. Rumi says “You are not a drop in the ocean, you are the entire ocean in a drop”.
“Our feeblest contemplations of the Cosmos stir us — there is a tingling in the spine, a catch in the voice, a faint sensation, as if a distant memory, of falling from a height. We know we are approaching the greatest of mysteries.”
― Carl Sagan,